Fast Food Face Off 

Ever wonder where you should grab your less than healthy fill you up?

At great risk to my health and well being I have explored this mystery on your behalf. From Fast Eddies at noon to McDonald’s at 7pm I have twice today ordered the same meal, but have not consumed the same. There is a difference between the billion burgers McDonald’s has served and the Millions of Fast Eddies burgers. Here, today, we examine those differences in depth.

First the order. Both were delayed for some reason and my fast food was more cruising speed then fast. Each presented me a bag of colourful self promotion. Fast eddies with a comical fry cook from every beach blanket bingo movie of the 60s expressing his delight at my patronage. With no seating beyond the scarred picnic table at the street I took these home to examine.

McDonald’s provided their fare in a colourful blast of letters, that were meaningless in my haste to consume the food. They provided a wide selection of seating opportunities, from a raised bar like block of imitation stone, to round stools of harsh vermilion colour around bland off white tables that came in your choice of semi clean or condiment laced. I chose a semi clean table next to a dead body.( he may have only been sleeping, but I didn’t want to look to close) and opened my fried meat selection. To my absolute delight, both McDonald’s and Fast eddies had wrapped my meal as if presenting me with a birthday gift of hasty selection, wrapped in a moving car…by the driver.

 Plain white paper with a moderate design was the conservative approach of Fast Eddie, while McDonald’s continues to behave in a clownish manner with a bright exciting wrapping paper of processed cheese colour as if to say here is a product that contains cheese, and should only be wrapped around said cheese laden items.

Unwrapping my little gifts my first impression is the bun.

 The waxy finish to the McDonald bun is a bit off putting. A little too slick, more bling then bun. While the fast eddies was more realistic, more home baked looking. Unfortunately that is where Fast Eddie’s home cooked ends. The beef is so processed I think the cow has wheels rather then legs it had such a mechanized tasted. The standard slice of processed cheese Of equal consistency between both burgers, reminding me of those wild teen years when Jimmy Yeomen tossed a buttered piece of process chess at the ceiling of our high school cafeteria and it stuck. That cheese was still there 5 years later at our graduation, smaller, darker and edged in mold, but still recognizable as a slice of that cheese coloured edible oil product inhabiting bag lunches to this day.

 The single pickle slice that sat bravely on each burger was the selling feature. Eddie’s was a pickle, crisp, pickled, tasty. While the McDonald pickle could have been replaced with a sour gummie worm to the same effect. Chewy, sour and limp, it’s no wonder MacDonald’s sneaks a dribble of onions on the pickle to at least provide a slight crunch to the bite. Katsup and mustard abound on both, but there seems to be more bite in the Fast eddies condiment selection, perhaps by choice, perhaps simply from being on the shelf a little too long.

 Out of the two, the beef patty in the McDonald’s burger was juicer and more beef flavoured, but oddly the McDonald’s burger on the whole was much drier and had me craving a drink to wash the last two bites down that seemed to swell and stick in my mouth.

On the whole, I would think the Fast Eddies burger would win by a hair, ( no there was no hair in either product) but for the odd faint smell of body odor on the outer bag. Each has its pro’s and con’s and now thanks to my diligence, not to mention sacrifice, you can chose wisely of the options that avail you

In either case I was not hungry for a few hours after each meal, and in the end, that’s all that really matters to a pennyless foodie.


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